Everybody has got problems, and so do I

I know you’re all dealing with all the shit in your lives and don’t need anybody else’s crap to take care of. So I’ll try to keep this short and to the point.

The last couple of months, especially the last three days, were disillusioning to me. I thought I’d be appreciated by most people in this little community, but I had to learn that way more people than I thought are holding a grudge against me - which is probably to be expected for someone who is exposed like me, even if it’s more or less inadvertently.

Of course, I have flaws, one of them being too sensitive against criticism I personally feel is unfair and not fact-based. And I’m easily butt-hurt and do overreact if I feel attacked for unwarranted reasons (in my pov). Much of what happened is the direct consequence of these flaws.

Looking back, I guess my biggest “mistake” is to stand up for beliefs and people I think are treated unfairly as well. The world is hardly ever black and white, but people love to separate the world into people they adore and those, they hate. It’s too much work to try to understand why a person does what they do, if it’s not in line with what you believe in yourself, they must be evil and need to be hated.

It turned out now, that this is exactly what happened to me as well.

On the internet, a few people start to escalate their dislike of people, they reiterate and exaggerate claims about them, some of them true, most based on questionable facts but many simply made up, just because they can and it gives them a feeling of power. Soon many other people start to believe them and the person that is the target of the campaign is finally marked as an asshole. That’s now what happened to me too in our small community, at least from my perspective. And no one stepped in, everyone just allowed it to happen.

And that’s what really disappoints me, there seems to be very little support from other people, most just don’t care enough and don’t want to get involved - they have enough shit to deal with in their own lifes. Even the people who I thought were on my side don’t do much or anything at all. People are free to spill their hate and lies about me and what I did, with no intervention by people who should know it’s been different.

In the end, they say “hey, it’s just an opinion, and we have freedom of speech”. That this freedom should end where you falsely accuse somebody else doesn’t seem to register.

Now I feel like a pariah. It’s not even possible to interact with people in a normal way, under the shroud of anonymity everyone takes for granted on the net, because in the end people know me too well and figure me out - just because I am who I am. And then the shit starts all over again.

So I’ve lost almost all online friends with very few exceptions. I got disillusioned on who is really willing to stand up for somebody in such a situation if that would cost them a lot of energy and probably some reputation themselves. It turned out that it’s practically nobody (apology to the very few persons who at least tried with little success).

Butt-hurt as I always react in such situations, I’ve run away in frustration. I’ve cut all ties to this community. My Discord account “Martin” is gone now, and so all “friend-relations” to that account are canceled automatically in case anyone is wondering.

The fact that people take this website for granted, and like 99% are not involved in that drama at all, forces me to go on, even though I really just want to bury myself in a hole right now. I’ve got my own private issues to deal with, which are serious enough and which have to take precedence

But my mind revolves around this community 24 hours a day, what happened, what I did wrong, what I should have done, that nobody is reaching out to me, and so on. That is really unhealthy and has to stop.

If I could, I would just walk away, leave this whole community behind, and start from scratch. Many other people just do that in such a situation, but I don’t have that option. People who hate me personally still use this site, publish their stories, and take my service for granted. And that’s their right, whether I like it or not.

But I needed to get all this off my chest, and that’s why I wrote this text, probably hurting myself even more as a consequence, because I put my weaknesses on display for everyone to just shit even more on me. I’m not looking for sympathy or understanding, but those people willing to put their energy into this site and keep it running deserve to know why I currently don’t have the power and will to engage myself as I usually do.

My own life, which has its own challenges, will take precedence for a while.


(I apologize if the text is difficult to read. I am using an automatic translation. )
I cannot imagine the pain and anguish you must be feeling after the traumatic event you experienced. It is disheartening to hear about such incidents, and I am at a loss for words. I always believed that minority communities should support each other to overcome challenges. Nonetheless, your well-being should be your top priority. Although it might be impossible to heal the wounds in your heart completely, I hope that your suffering will eventually subside.

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While we may be at odds right now, I don’t ever take you or your website for granted, Martin. Without it, this community would be much, much worse off. I’d like to say that other comparable sites are nowhere near as good, but the reality is that there are no comparable sites. This site is in a league of its own when it comes to publishing erotic fiction, and it couldn’t be that without all the time and effort that you’ve put into it.

As for our argument, re-reading it the other day, I realized that we were both misreading/misunderstanding things in that discussion, and I apologize for my part in that. I don’t want to get into it much more than that here on the forum because I don’t want to risk spreading the drama to yet another location; I don’t think that would be good for the community. If you want to try the discussion again in DMs, I’m happy to, but I also understand how sensitive this became for you and wonder if maybe it’s best to just leave it alone. I’ll leave that decision to you, but either way, I think you’ve got more important things to deal with right now. Whatever the case, please know that I value our friendship and I’m not about to just give up on it after having known you for so many years.

And as for the challenges you mentioned at the end, I hope everything goes well for you. Whether it’s here, on Discord, or wherever else, I hope you’ll let us all know how you’re doing over the next little while as things progress.


Martin, your site is amazing and I think you’re a damn good man for putting up with this thankless job. I haven’t been doing this long but in the short time I’ve write, you and this site is hands down the best experience I’ve encountered. I’d you ever want to vent or just talk about shit message me, I do not mind at all.


I’m so sorry that you are going through all this. Feeling like a pariah is one of the worst feelings there is.

Hopefully the tides of time will wash away these feelings and you’ll be able to see the situation from a comfortable distance.

It’s completely normal to go on circles thinking what could have been done to avoid the current situation, but it’s of no use if you can’t go back in time and actually change it. Focusing on the now seems much more fruitful (easier said than done, I know).

This type of scars are hard to heal, but you’ve taken the first step by opening up, showing them, and reaching out. I’m pretty sure there are many that appreciate you, your hard work and, your dedication. These can be people you know or complete strangers, and the interactions might be subtler than expected. I truly hope you get to feel the warmth of the community once more. I don’t think it’s not there, it’s just that it might not be getting through. When we are unwell, specially because of social conflict, it is very hard to find the love that has been snatched.

So here’s my share of love and a big hug. You’ve got my support and my best wishes. I don’t think anyone has the answer to your worries, but if having a conversation can help you in anyway, my door is open.

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I’m sorry to hear that. I had been hoping that things were getting better but obviously the wounds are pretty deep, which I guess I wasn’t aware of.

But on trying to find a positive - look how quickly the community moved to support you when it came to the funding support issues. That shows that people do actually care. That they want to make sure you don’t feel at least a financial burden for operating this place.

I honestly don’t know what to say but I’m sorry to hear that the issues are ongoing. And I hope that maybe sleep and sun and like other things will help to make it fun again.

I don’t exactly communicate much here but I do check on it and I am open to DMs and stuff if you or anyone wants to.



A few thoughts, in no particular order:

  • I had no idea anything negative was still happening for you. I gather this is on Discord since you’ve removed your account there. Like all small online communities, I suspect it’s an echo chamber that makes problems seem bigger than they are. Most of us on this site just think of you as someone who makes something we love, who puts in a ton of work, and who has to make tough decisions on a somewhat regular basis. I appreciate you for all that.

  • I’ve been on a hiatus from posting since June because some parts of my life got too real and too big. I’ve had nothing but support from my readers about taking time away. I mention this only to say that I sympathize and I wish you nothing but the best in resolving your private issues. Please don’t hesitate to shout if we can help in any way.

  • The world is never black and white. Leadership would be a lot easier if it was.

  • I love this website, but I do not take it for granted. You don’t owe us this website. I think many of us remember the day that the NCMC was just… gone. This is all just bits on a screen, and I’m thrilled to be a part of this for however many days it exists.

  • There are a lot of days I wish I could sit down across a table and buy you a beer or five. Sadly I’m neither twinky or rubbery enough for you :wink:

[Edited to say ‘still happening to you’. I guess I was aware something was going on when the ties to the Discord were severed. Everything I said then still stands.]


I’m sorry you feel so disillusioned. I have felt that feeling and it is very unpleasant. One of the biggest problems with online communities is that it is a vocal few who manage to ruin things for others. People who have nothing better to do that start rumors and bad mouth people are the bane of humanity. I suspect a lot of it is based in jealously. They want what they think you have without knowing the realities of running a site. Being an Admin/Mod/Approver is a thankless task and others only seem to notice when you DON’T do what you need to do rather than appreciate the hard work it is to run a site. Some people are trolls. We know this but we are still astounded at the vitriol they spout. Are we naive? No. For some people making trouble is like breathing; they just do it. For others a more natural sense is a tiny positive hope that all will be well. For them it is more shocking when the ugly side of humanity is revealed. We are not weak-hearted just sensitive. That sensitivity makes us quick to understand how someone feels and comfort them when needed. It is not a weakness. You are not weak Martin; never confuse being sensitive with weakness. Many people do because they cannot take the horrifying look inside their own psyches. They are the weak ones who think everything is limited to what you can experience with the 5 basic senses. They fear self-discovery so they never spelunk into the depths of their minds. Being sensitive is an ability; good or bad depending on how it is used. Trying to shame or harass a sensitive person is like exposing them to radiation. You can’t see the effects immediately but it is devastating. It destroys self-esteem. Sensitive people can build up a tolerance to such negativity but some events make their self-worth seem to evaporate like the boiling water in a nuclear plant melting down. Steps can be taken to lessen the damage but there is literally always some fallout. Recovery can be slow but possible. Please Martin don’t stay isolated, give yourself time to recover, and never doubt that this IS a good site. It’s so easy to lose oneself in the crushing waves of despair. Take all the time you need to feel better. Accept that you’re going to be more irritable or sad or angry or all three for a while. Self care is important. You are a good person Martin. Please accept the support/praise from all who offer it. Just let your senses relax and recover. We need you and want you and your site. Hugs from CF. I hope you feel better soon my friend.


We tried putting the discord fallout into its own collapse-able topic to deal with it / get it over with, and then burn it in a furnace forever.

It almost got somewhere, and then it didn’t.

So sad to read your self-revelation, Martin. I’m not one of the great authors here, but I can’t tell you how touched I was when you critiqued what I have posted so far. So gentle, kind and affirming. You are loved, just know that I really think that you are a very special person. Take the time to heal - but come back soon! Please!

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I’m really very sorry to hear about your difficulties, Martin. If I may offer some advice in the form of experience:
I have run a high-traffic email list for 28 years. I have had my ups and downs, and well as intense emotional pain from interacting with all sorts of people, including some crazy ones. Here’s one example: For a time, a famous playwright was a member of my email list. For some reason he disliked me, and would post expletive-laden messages to the list about 2 times a week in which he ridiculed me. Meanwhile, he would send me privately horrible messages of about 100 words, e.g. “You dumb cock-socking imbecile who doesn’t know your brain from your asshole because you fuck your mother daily…” etc. He would send these about 3 times a week - and this went on for at least 5 months. Yes, really.

After about 2 weeks of receiving these things, I realized it had nothing to do with me - it was the playwright’s personal demons (possibly enhanced with alcohol and maybe other substances).

But it did teach me that, as much as I wanted to be friends with people, that I needed to keep a certain emotional distance for my own mental health and sanity. Sure I could be (and still am) friends with a number of members, but unless you know people in person, online “friends” are not the same thing as a true friendship.

I see you’re a sensitive guy, Martin. I am too. But I’ve also learned how to manage my emotions and expectations. For me, running an email list with so many different kinds of people has taught me and provided me with a kind of emotional armor that enables me to withstand nearly any emotional barrage of invective or just carelessness. (Of course, it has taken me years to get to this place of emotional/internal strength.)

I recommend you treat yourself better and do the things that make you happy in a healthy way. I find that actively meeting new people on the net is a very effective way to remove or erase the bad or unfortunate players from your memory. You do a great service Martin. I support you and I’m sure that many others support you as well. Even if there are people who are too scared to register an account, please know that they benefit from not just having kinky stories, but having a venue that allows a special part inside them to know “there are others like me!”



I’m really sorry that you’ve been feeling this the last couple days. I had no idea this was happening. Sometimes, despite making this post, if a user isn’t actively seeking it out, it can often get passed over. Please don’t think that we don’t care about you or are ignoring you current plight. I am always grateful for the time and effort you put into this site, and your presence in just being a part of this community.



Hi Martin! Can I just say this is the single most important site to me right now? I am disabled, and my job is babysitting my niece. I don’t have any engagement with people than here or at her school. I appreciate all that you do. I am amazed by how much you put up with.

I’ve learned that the world isn’t black and white. I’ve also learned theat you shouldn’t listen to the 1%. There are titmes when you just have to grow some tough skin and stick to what you believe in.

I am really thankful to you and this site. Mahalo plenty!


Hi Martin,

You know that, a while ago, we did lock horns on an issue, and things got really heated between us. That said, I’m glad we settled stuff, especially, as I was mostly wrong in the matter🤔.

So, let me just say I think you’re a great guy who runs a great site, I don’t know what’s been going on, because I don’t really follow the forum that often, but you’ve my total support and respect.


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Good Lord, mate. I had no idea there was something amiss. I stopped publishing because an isolated snarky comment would ruin another 8 good reviews for me. I can’t imagine the exponentially destructive effects of thousands of readers and few coming to your aide.
I’ve not been in the forums to read anything until todays catch up and I am so sorry for whatever you’re going through, personally or with this site. My impression of you is that you’re totally welcoming and perhaps people feel free to take liberty with how they speak to you. Texts and Emails lose inflection or visual cues to what the speaker intends or needs or is reacting. This is all too rehearsed and edited. Oddly the greatest communication tool can be the most destructive.
Do test the strings of friendship some (I can’t be the only one) have offered. Hell, A long distance phone call, if you wish. You have my contact information. Please do use it and I’m sure I’m not the only one you can reach out to, so please do

For what it’s worth, I hope you never feel that we take this site for granted. That’s why I have been donating for some months since I returned, and it’s why I will continue in the future. And I think I’ve said enough times how much I appreciate not just what you’ve supplied in GSS and the other sites, but how well it’s written, but I’ll say it again.

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Ok, guys, first of all thank you all for your amazing support.

Some time has passed and I had time to reflect. And I understand that there are aspects where I keep reacting wrong, over and over again, thereby escalating things where it’s not really necessary. But usually, it’s just me who’s suffering from my mistakes, not anybody else.

This morning I had a private discussion with one of my best friends from the old Discord times. There was already a lot of tension between us, but that is not the point here.

At some point this morning I wrote a text which was plain simply awful. For some reason I didn’t even read it before sending it, maybe I would have caught that this is an absolutely horrible text.

Of course, this friendship is now done with, and this is 100% on me. But even worse, I’m afraid that I might have caused way more damage in this little community with what I’ve written. Even if you’re mad, even if you’re disappointed, you should never act on those emotions, because you’re hardly ever fair and rational. And - like so many times before - I didn’t follow this advice this morning.

I guess I’m just not made out to be a community leader. A normal user, fine, but never anyone who has any kind of power or influence in some community. It’s just not good. I’ve learned that lesson.

So I’ll reduce myself to the role of maintainer of these sites and shut myself out of any community management (besides the base necessities of this forum and the site’s comment section).

I hope the damage can be undone somehow. I’m really sorry.

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It always hurts to lose a friend; even if you caused the loss.

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Like my therapist (and many other therapists) used to say:

You can’t control your emotions – but you CAN control what actions you take (or not take) because of them. The key is finding distance separating how you feel from how you act.


I’m sorry you’re feeling so down about things, Martin. I truly don’t understand how anyone could hate you, let alone want to be enemies with you. You’ve always been a sensitive and gentle person. I know there’s been disagreements about the running of the site but overall you are very amenable to user feedback.

I guess the issues arise when the person giving the feedback wants things that aren’t actually very popular and decides to take it out on the site owner instead of the userbase of the site as a whole.

I can’t say that I’ve been privy to all of these controversies. The one I best remember is over monetization and having ads or sponsored content. I do recall some people were vehemently against it and acted like sponsored content like the Harem game were damaging them. It was a minority viewpoint. Most of us are just fine with it.

And I recall some controversy surrounding having non-hypno stories appear on the spiral site as you are trying to grow the sister sites. Some people seemed unreasonably angry about it even after you gave an option to filter it so they wouldn’t see those other stories.

Just wanted to chime in and say that I support you and your site even though I haven’t been active lately. Most days I still check the forum even though I haven’t had time to read stories lately (let alone write them).