Thank you for making a place for us all to talk about this. Many of us have obviously been working through these things privately, so it’s nice for us to have a venue in which to talk about where we’ve set out boundaries for ourselves and the people in our lives.
I know that for my part when I started writing erotica I was fixated on privacy and security. Honestly until I came to GSS I can say I only ever did Dace-stuff in a private browser and all my writing was in an encrypted container under a .txt file disguised to look like a normal system log. That was my level of paranoia. A tiny handful of people - my boyfriend, a friend I felt comfortable discussing any sexual topic with, one other person who expressed interest in erotica - they were the only people who even knew I wrote things.
This community has helped me “come out” to myself and to be more comfortable discussing it with a broader circle of friends. I can tell my straight friends aren’t interested/ready for it, but they also don’t want to hear about how sloppy my gay game nights got past weekend. (Well, back when we could do those. Damned virus.) I’ve told more people in my life about Dace In the last year than I had in the preceding decade. I can talk to my therapist about it - as an area where I’m comfortable and confident, where I draw emotional strength and reserve! When I started doing this, that would have been insane.
We’ve all got different things we’re working through or places we don’t want to go. Good luck, and I hope you find the way that makes you happiest.
Since I’ve “come out” as absman420 in my “real” life, I’ve had some really fun – and weird – conversations about all kinds of stuff: erotica, self-publishing, writing technique, etc. People are curious.
“How do you write a sex scene?” “How long did it take to write X?” “How did you dream that stuff up?” And I answer all those questions the same way I would here on the forum, honestly and with humor.
I had a client walk in the other day with five copies of my book for me to sign. That was super hysterically and fun. Here’s a pic (she’s trying to remain icognito):
Again, I emphasize the theory that WE bring the energy to the idea that we’re doing something “wrong” and we have to “hide” it.
If we’re on this Earth, in this physical plane for no other reason, isn’t exploring and experiencing the physical enough? Might as well be upfront about it.
I had not meant to start a religious discussion thread so I agree with RobinHood70. Let’s focus on writing issues. I was glad to have somewhere to discuss my issues. Thanks for the support!
I was raised Catholic then chose to be Catholic in college. I later drifted away from the church then back again. The current mishandlings by the church have driven me away yet again. There is actually a bit of dogma that states “the revelation of truth over time is most manifest in the Catholic church.” Sounds like a PR stunt to me. Of course they will say their way is The Best Way. I think the Catholic view of the universe is closest to my understanding and my personal views but silliness like “The Pope is Infallible” is not what I believe. Ultimately it is a church made up of people who are far from perfect but many insist that they are; often telling people loudly so while ignoring the glaring twistedness in their own lives. I know many nice gay men, many nice guys with beards and/or tats, but not many nice Catholics. I think that says more than enough about that issue. Great pic of you btw.
For me at least, I have the thoughts regardless of whether or not I write them down. Sharing them doesn’t feel any more ‘sinful’ than having them. I’m not ashamed of them, but I would never discuss them with my family.
By publishing them I like to think that sharing them brings people some pleasure.
Actually I have the kind of opposite problem to @Cutlerfan. If I should die suddenly, like due to an accident, I want to make sure that GSS and all the passwords etc. stay in safe hands, so it can have a future.
As my husband doesn’t care about it and has no technologic knowledge whatsoever, I’m afraid that all of this would get lost. I’ve tried to make some preparations, but you can never be sure…
I really don’t care about an executor. I guess almost everyone has a “dark” secret and people are used to that.
Like my uncle, a “straight”, very conservative, very catholic and strict family man, who’d never do anything that would taint people’s opinion on him being a perfect Christian and pious person.
He got sick and in the course of just a couple of months, he went senile. As his children cleaned out his second apartment, they realized he had a secret, very kinky gay life (complete with a sling a other kinky stuff) all along.
He just died two weeks ago. No one even talked about his “other” life. Everyone honored him the way he wanted to be honored. And that’s fine. He was an unfortunate, haunted person, who obviously struggled all his life with his sexuality, and due to his upbringing and the society he lived in, he could never stay true to his real personality. And we mourned for him as a person, his flaws and demons and his sexuality just doesn’t matter.
To give him credit, though, he accepted that the only two male successors in his family, his son and his nephew (me), being openly gay without any kind of issue.
Have you considered leaving a stash of passwords and info with a backup person? I know the site has gone through several hands, maybe one of the previous owners would take that on, at least long enough to export an archive or find a new person to run it.
Yes, actually a close friend of mine has all the passwords and I asked him to forward them to @MonsterMash62 (aka Hugh). But I’m still worried that there might be something missing, that I’ve forgotten something… Or that he doesn’t find the file or whatever. There are so many things that can go wrong.
Yes, thank you for asking. It’s harder on my mother and my aunt of course. I didn’t have a real close relationship to my uncle.
(COPIED FROM ABSMAN BLABS THREAD — thought it’d be worth sharing here:)
One of my regular clients came into the office yesterday. An RN at a traumatic cardiac clinic with two kids “on the spectrum” (as we used to say in the education biz), she came in yesterday and said, “You made me cry!”
I responded, “What’d I do this time?”
She then pulled a copy of my book out of her bag. “You killed the old man!” she yelled.
We laughed and spent most of the appointment talking about it. Of course she liked AppleJack, but she was the first person I’ve heard go on about Lickety Split!
But she did say it read faster and faster as she went along — true! And she’s eager for more!
Sometimes…. Life.
That’s why we should come out as writers, to have cool, unexpected experiences.
I just had a (straight lady) friend tell me over the weekend that she was looking at my ebooks and was really into what she’d read so far. Last person I ever expected to hear that from, so yes, you never know who you’re going to reach!
Im struggling with this again all of a sudden. Been thinking it would be better to ask for my stories to be removed than to have to deal with a Twitter mob doxxing me or some other equally unlikely thing. It’s an anxiety thing for me, and the answer is probably to spend less time on social media rather than ask my stories to be removed. Watching how unreasonable people can be on twitter and seeing people lose their ability to find jobs because of something is definitely not healthy for me. Sigh
I understand your anxiety, but I’m saying again that you shouldn’t feel shame about who you are or the art you make. People might not understand – people don’t have to understand – I write my stories for me. I choose to share them because I enjoy getting comments and having discussions. It’s also nice learning that other people share my kinks and I’m not all alone in the world.
No one’s out to get you. So you write erotic stories? So what? Stop projecting this energy that you do something “bad” or “wrong” – you are expressing yourself in a creative manner. It’s not worth anxiety.
I keep telling myself that what you jerk off to doesn’t reflect your moral stances on things. Busting a nut isn’t an act of endorsement. Especially when what your busting a nut to isn’t even physically capable of happening. It’s just a hollow reassurance next to the potential social lashback.
A part of why this is so hard is that I have a history of struggling to control myself when it comes to sexual urges. While ive never broken any laws or anything I was lucky that I was young, and the person who I was trying to do something to was much older and someone I had known for a long time.(I touched his dick while he was sleeping and got caught.) I was around 12 at the time and defended my actions by believing that no guy would ever willingly let me touch them sexually because being gay was a sin. I honestly felt like there was no hope and that if I was already damned to hell then it was justified to take the risk.
Of couse im not under the same notion any longer. Im comfortable with my sexuality and have discovered a community that is more than willing to do sexy stuff with me, and religiously lets just say im a lot more free. But that period of life from around 12-16 was an extraordinarily dark one for me and I still have deep anxiety about sex I have to this day because I don’t want to hurt anyone again.
Edit: The other guy was shocked and angry but he never told anyone. It wasn’t the last time I tried something on him im ashamed to admit and each time I got caught it felt like I was spiraling so out of control that my life was ending. A lot of my stories on here stem from that period of my life where I didnt believe that two men would concensually have sex, hence why I really struggle a lot with them now. They were a compromise for me. A way to touch men sexually and not feel guilty after. Now they are just fun, but I get extremely worried and anxious in the same way I was back then even though im not hurting anyone.
Edit 2: after rereading this over and over I feel it’s important to say that this didn’t end horribly between me and the other guy. It was really awkward and confusing for a very long time and its still awkward sometimes between us, but instead of beating the shit out of me, each time he chose to sit down with me and talk about why what I was doing was wrong and tried to help me get over what I was feeling as much as he could. I can’t speak for his feelings, but we are still on good terms.
Sorry for the uncomfortable nature of this all. I hope im not over sharing but I feel it’s better to be open and vulnerable about this kind of thing.
