Necessary struggles in writing

First time I post in the forums!

I was writing when I came up to a part I dreaded to write about. We all have our likings and or annoyances when we write stuff, but I wanted to ask you guys about some necessary struggles in writing.

Whether you write for a kinky audience or for a more general audience, I feel like we, writers, always come with a part of the story where we struggle or dread to write. When I write a kinky story, for instance, I have an idea of the scene or of the kink aspects and angles I want to work on. However, while a story revolving around the sole purpose of detailing a kink can be good (with some incomplete feeling imho), if we want to develop it, we have to construct the world around it further than just the bedroom (or wherever it happens). With this comes greater lengths of involvement, to a point where some parts can get annoying but necessary for the writer to write a coherent and well-built story.

There comes a question I wanted to ask you about:

What is the thing you hate the most to write, but HAVE TO? Is it descriptions, narrations or dialogues? Or perhaps what you find hard is related to a particular type of scene that feels necessary for the progression but a chore to write? Is it the psychological/mental scenes or rather the physical/environment scenes? It could also be as simple as to write any scene that doesn’t involve kinks or - ironically - the scene with the kink itself which is hard to write!

When I come upon writing a scene that just doesn’t do it for me - for instance, a scene where a character is having an argument with another one -, I can spend a few days on this very part trying to write it down. Like, I know how the scene is supposed to START and how it’s supposed to END. However, the middle, the path from point A to point B, is sinuous and sometimes clumsy in the process of writing. Most of the time, I have to reread the part and modify it several times until I’m happy with it (and still).

Sometimes, to avoid losing too much time to this particular case of writer’s block, I skip a scene or chapter ahead and continue with the rest of the story while the part plots further in my subconscious. It happened a few times while in the shower or when I’m up at night to suddenly have an idea to fill in the gaps. Sometimes, it just happens when I open my document another day and I write down what comes to mind until I rework it later. If I really can’t find a way to do it and be happy with the result, rarely, I scrap the idea completely and use another path - which is by far my less favourite method cause it feels like a lazy defeat to me.

So, how are you guys coping with this kind of problem? Do you have struggles with some parts in your stories? I’m not talking about things you don’t write about, but rather a key element to a story you need to add, either for story progression or for a literature/syntax sense.

Feel free to comment and share your thoughts on the subject!

Have a good one!
Bigger / Mickey


I’m not a prolific contributor to this site, but I write. Back when I was pumping out my dissertation (I would not answer any phone calls after 7 pm or be distracted by anything else), I learned that when one comes upon a stumbling block, don’t let it be a block. If you can’t get through it in 15-30 minutes, skip to another part. In fact, it might be best to first write the portions that you’re anxious to get out then go back and see if you can work through the connective material.

I also give credit to Julia Cameron’s famous book, The Artist’s Way.. One of the exercises she suggests is setting aside time each day to write for a few hours (or less, if one lacks the time). But the point is to make it into a strict discipline by doing it regularly every day without fail. It’s a mental and creative exercise and enables one to write with facility.

Then again, if one has a true block and nothing is coming at all, sometimes one needs a break to refresh one’s batteries so that one can return with more energy.

I hope you get over your block - and good luck.


I agree with this 100%! I write for two hours in the morning — I have time blocked out for it. That discipline helps me a lot.

I also agree that there’s no such thing as writer’s block. As Margaret Atwood so brilliantly said, “A writer’s best friend is the trash bin.”

Me, personally, I’m a RE-writer. I will rewrite a scene or a paragraph or a line five-hundred times until it reads the way I want. That’s okay too! It’s a craft. Nothing comes out perfectly in the first draft. First drafts are for getting the ideas on paper.

Don’t stress.


I also tend to write early in the morning because my mind feels clearer at that time of day. With me, what comes first is the general story idea, the setting and the characters. Once I have the basic idea, I find the writing part quite easy. I enjoy writing narrative, description and dialogue. The only part I find really hard is the actual sex scenes themselves. Why? Because there is a limit to what two [or more] humans of whatever gender can do to each other and most sex acts have been written about so often that they become repetitive almost to the point of parody. There are only so many words to describe a penis, anus, mouth, erection or ejaculation. I find myself searching in vain for a different way to express it all. When I re-read old stories I have written, if anything makes me cringe, it is usually the sex scenes. Which, given the nature of this site, is ironic, I guess.


I just wrote an essay titled, HOW I SPENT THE PANDEMIC or “I Bet You Didn’t Realize I Knew So Many Synonyms for Sex”

There’s not really anything that I don’t like writing, and individual scenes come fairly easily to me no matter what type of scene it is, but I do struggle with how to weave scenes together and make them into a coherent whole. In essence, it’s the transition that I have issues with. That includes both the transition from scene to scene as well as transitional chapters, where I want to include sexual elements as well as non-sexual plot development.

My usual approach is just to let it stew, knowing that something will eventually come to me, but sometimes I also just take a stab at writing the chapter, which sometimes helps me refine a vague idea into something workable or, conversely, makes me realize that something I was toying with won’t work well at all.

To your point about re-starting from scratch, honestly, I wouldn’t hesitate. There have been several times where I’ve scrapped thousands or even tens of thousands of words because something didn’t feel right or I had a better idea or whatever. (Yes, people, despite the average size of my chapters, there are tens of thousands of words I didn’t release!) While writing every day is advice I’ve never found to work for me personally, I do find that writing and re-writing the same story/scene can be an excellent exercise in terms of coming up with different approaches and allowing yourself to explore different aspects before you decide on a final product. As you iterate through that process, you will learn to get comfortable with scrapping whatever isn’t actually working for you.


I agree with the idea/exercise of writing and rewriting a scene and chapter. Before posting a story, I happen to do that over and over, each and every time removing, adding or changing a few sentences, even changing completely which character the scene focuses on! Sometimes, right before I submit a story, I even go back through all the story and change a character’s name that didn’t sound or feel right to me.

The transition thing is usually something I feel comfortable with, but I agree that sometimes, often when I reread, the pacing feels off. It can lead to a particular style of telling a story (such as alternating intense situation with rather tame ones).

By writer’s block, I mean that I know WHAT I have to write, but I just CAN’T figure out or force myself to do it. I have not read the book, but I figure this is different than just not knowing what to write at all haha

And while I get the trash bin philosophy in writing, I never completely throw an idea or a written scene away, but keep it into a special folder in case I feel the inspiration to rework on it some other time (or if it could actually fit in another story I eventually write).

As for drafts, I go through a few draft steps. I could probably make another post on the details of how I proceed in the writing of a series or a story (which are two similar approaches, but with their differences)! I love to chat and interact about these with other writers!

And, man, I wish I had your discipline to block two hours a day to solely work on writing! That’s very good advice and should try scheduling myself a daily period, no more no less!

Sex scenes have been hard (haha) for me to write at first, but I forced myself to write them in public, such as in a library, to not get distracted by my horniness. And I agree with you that writing sex scenes tends to be redundant. However, writers generally stick on different details and parts of it, which I think is interesting. Some will write short but horny and lewd sex scenes, others will take their time and puts lots of detailing and sensuality. Some writers focus on the physical appearance, some on the senses. Others focus on the emotions or mental imagery, exploiting the chemistry between the partners. The scene can be described with lewd dirty detailing or with a sense of sensitivity. And I’ve not even mentioned kinks once yet!

The style of every author is different and contributes to how rich and diverse and sexy our community is!

Sex scenes were not easy for me, either. I wonder if they’re easy for anyone? Sex is about timing, more than anything else, building to the climax. I find myself writing in shorter and shorter sentences as we approach the climax.

All I can say is keep at it. Just like sex in real life, writing about it takes practice. Don’t punish yourself.

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@mgreene70 perhaps you more than any author I’ve read here have a keen sense of history. I’ve thought about you writing a nice porn story - but told in the language of the 17th-early 18th century. So you would not use specific words like penis, anus, orgasm, cum, etc. but would need to use or invent equivalents of that time. I assume you’ve read lyrics from this time so you know the hammer was often a metaphor for penis, a hammer knocking was fucking, a flower blooming was a woman’s orgasm (which we wouldn’t see on this site), and so on. Give it a try - I’m sure it will be very entertaining and amusing!

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Is that essay up online anywhere and available to read? :eyes:

Not yet. I’m bummed because Facebook removed their “Notes” section, where one published longer pieces. Trying to figure out how to post a thousand word piece…,


@absman420 but Facebook still has its “files” section. You could put it there.


I’m just starting to seriously write, though I’ve been a DM with friends for years, so I’ve been loosely writing (constructing story elements and plots) for a long time.

Now that I am starting to actually write, even though I don’t think there’s any particular thing (e.g. exposition, action, or dialogue) I struggle with writing, I have encountered particular moments in stories I haven’t wanted to write: blocks, like you said. Some of it is just the chore aspect—having to actually sit, focus, and write—but seemingly at random I’ll sit down to write a scene and just feel completely unmotivated and uninspired.

I’ve started to take that as a sign the scene I’m working on is boring. If I can’t find a way to invest myself in what I’m making, I can’t expect a reader to invest themselves. So I usually try to take a step back, examine why I’m having a hard time getting excited by a scene, and figure out a way to make the scene more interesting and worth writing. So far that’s helped me a lot.

Granted, I can’t actually tell whether that works well in writing, since I don’t publish my short stories for review/feedback. I’m still a fledgling there, but it at least makes the story more interesting and entertaining to me.


The great artist Tom of Finland once said, “If I’m working on a drawing and my dick doesn’t stand up, I go back and try again until it does.”

Good advice.

Margaret Atwood said, “A writer’s best friend is the trash bin.”


Does anyone ever jot down little parts of a story as they come to you and then work them in later? Fitting them into the timeline like a puzzle piece?
Trying to find a stride in writing my first story but I feel like I’m jumping all over my outline.


Yes. So many of my stories start as a single hot moment and then I work up the rest of the story around it.

Sometimes that scene ends up not working in the final story. That’s okay too. Not every word that’s written makes it.


Thanks. I had some inspiration the other day and submitted the first draft of the intro to let that man read. Now I’m polishing it and working on the first chapter.

I feel like I’ve read so many great authors stories, yours included, that I want to pay homage to what they wrote to get me off but I don’t want them to feel like I’m stealing. I do give a fuck.
I try to let those moments come across as a pun or sarcasm. My strong point.


Unless you’re copying directly, nobody is going to think you’re stealing. There are a lot of different ways to explore the same topics and themes and kinks, and you have just as much right to write your version as anyone else.

Write what you know and write what you desire. It’ll be uniquely yours, and we’ll all look forward to reading it!