Editing: Docile

I’ve been reworking a straight story from mcstories called Docile by Limerick, and I’m basically done, but it just doesn’t feel natural yet. If anyone is willing to edit it, I’m posting the link here:

Don’t worry about messing it up, I’ve made another copy, so if you’d be willing to edit or proofread it, you can do what you want. Thanks!

Edit: if you do make any changes, please put your username down, as I would love to add you as editor or cowriter if the story is put on the site

I’ll take a look tomorrow!

It’s a very interesting story idea.

So I read the original as well, just to get some context. I don’t think, personally, I would have chosen this particular story for an adaptation. It’s a little short, and the fact she is a woman is quite a significant part of the narrative. When you say it doesn’t feel ‘natural’, that’s probably why. It was designed with a woman in mind.

With that being said, your male adaptations seem good, and actually, I think it’s still fine. It still works as a story.

Yeah, it definitely works best as a straight story, and there isn’t really a perfect way to adapt it. \i just read the straight story and thought it was really, really hot, and I wanted to make an adaption.

The thing is, I have all these rules about that world to make it work for the gay version, but I can’t fit it into the story. Like:

  1. Women (and gay men) do most of the intellectual or difficult jobs now, with straight guys usually doing simpler jobs like secretary, or personal trainer, or library assistant, etc. Otherwise they’re stay-at-home husbands. In western culture half a century ago, women stayed at home while the men worked, and that worked out, so I figure the opposite would work too.

  2. Straight guys are still only attracted to women, and can have relationships with women, but gay men give off something like pheromones that make them incredibly aroused and obedient.

  3. All straight guys have been transformed to have hot bodies, particularly in ways that are attractive to gay men, like having a big ass, or a hairless muscular chest or something.

I really think that this story could work on some level if I could get across these rules. I just always wanted a big worldchange story, and I never really found a gay one that vibed with me the way this and other straight worldchange stories have. Anyways, thanks for your input, it was really helpful!

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While I like everything you said I especially love the above line.

As a note, after readimg your version I looked up the original one. I honestly have to say that this particular story starts with no background. Not even a note to reference events of other stories.

Out of his many stories the one that in basic I think fits your idea is the one where men get sick and then over a span of a week gets better but improved. With their body fluids now attractive to females.

To me a good and sexy setup is that the same thing happen- men get the Contagion. Gay men get a version that makes them dominant, bisexual males get a version making them switches, and straight boys become submissive. (Dom and sub doesn’t need to, though it often does, equate to top and bottom btw). Females could be unaffected or get the same thing - with their abilities effecting females only.

Straight boys and girls still like each other, when not in the presence of a dominant man or women, respectively.

Just a thought.

Ps. If it sounds like I’ve thought of this before, I have. A Lot!

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That all said u give you all the good vibes on you creating your story.

I also say to you your entirely right - if those ‘rules’ could get shared the story might flow better.

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Wow, that was really insightful, thank you! I totally forgot about his story with mens’ fluids, and yo’re right, that’d be a better starting off point. I think I can still make this good/


So I was reading through the Limericks story site again and there really ate some ideas he has that are absolutely hot. And would be even more so as gay stories. There are some issues as one couldn’t make it all guys, like he males it all girls. So the ones based on particular guys doing particular things would be super hot.

Just wanted to say. :slight_smile:

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