Editing: Untitled Demon Fantacy

I’m looking for some feedback on the first draft of my first chapter of a demon fantasy. Please feel free to go into edit mode and suggest or critique my work.

Very interesting, nice start. I like how the demon was “defeated” by the two. That said I also like how there is potential for the two to go gay. That and maybe the frat will go gay again.

My one thing is that it sees like the two kill a guy with a shotgun. It sort of bothered me as it kind of ruined the fun sexy time.

Thanks for the feedback. I will work on that.

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Saw the change, him using the taser and then punching people is so much better. So thumbs up!

I do wonder what the main story synopsuswill be like, tha t and what tags are in it. (I hope there is rimming, hehe)

I do have to admit that while i like the sex and the mind control, and the straight to gay, I hope that happens without the demon winning.

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Love this

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