I thought it was pretty awesome. The set up was interesting and fun. The way he noticed the spirals but that it gave him a headache rather then doimg anything was cool.
I like the sequence of events. The curiosity on everyobe being male and the way comments were made.
My one notice was that some of the character descriptions were long. I like the mix but I personally don’t focus on physical feature descriptions.
But yeah its hot. Super hot. A nice begining.
That said I guess casual Friday is more like they show up in normal clothes but strip pretty quickly. Maybe at the morning briefing.
That was a fantastic read, but I actually disagree with you a bit; I almost felt like things moved too quickly.
There is an alternative to the exposition though - perhaps you could start in the middle? With all of the stuff you mention about the canteen and all of Mark’s changes to the program in your notes. Then use the flashback to introduce the exposition so that it builds suspense for how the takeover happened.
Thanks for the advice! I’ll probably keep the character descriptions, but I’ll mark it out very clearly, so if people want to think up their own physical descriptions, they can just skip that part.
Its no big deal, it was just my opinion. 
The story is really good.
As a thoight, maybe make it more clear that the floor manager is also controlled, but that his programmimg is different. You hint at it but its not blatent.
I like the idea of playing with the homophobe. Him saying how he hates it as he gets fucked. Maybe he talks about all the “stupid shit faggots do” which gets done to him. Hehe
Oh. And i gotta say, lets have some rimming. Lots and lits of rimming. Hehe lol grin.