Jockboy and the Devli's Order - Feedback + suggestions

Hey, there. I had a lot of good comments on the Devil’s Order for the first two stories, then almost nothing for the second two. I worry that the third installment was too off-topic for mind control, people stopped reading, and that might have been the reason. Also, kinda lost as to where I should go with it. Should I (1) backtrack some and pretend 3 + 4 never happened, or (2) go on and do more. What are you looking for in this storyline? Any suggestions?

I just skimmed through, so I might have missed something important. From what I saw though, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with your third and fourth chapters. I wouldn’t correlate quantity of comments too closely with quality of story, if I were you. A lot of great stories fly under the radar.

Besides, you released those chapters during the holiday season, when (I would guess) the amount of people visiting the site slumps a little.

At the end of the day, all that matters is whether or not YOU are happy with the story you’ve written.

Edit: The one thing I would say is there are a couple of typos, which is an easy fix. Also, the chapters seem to get progressively shorter. The fourth chapter in particularly is really quite small. Perhaps wait to release until you have more, or combine two chapters into one.